Bedtime anyone? Not me apparently...

This is going to be a short post just to write about the rest of the day since I've already written. Plus, my battery is about to die and my eyes are about to close. I'm going back to Helping Paws tomorrow for the first time since last semester. That is, if I can wake up :) Today was another one of those great days. I've been having a lot of those lately. I think it's the whole switching-my-major-kind-of-happiness. I love it and I'm so excited. Now, if only I could start my classes. Well, Facebook was only checked once today. No soda consumed. I still haven't done much with other areas that need some fixing, but Rome wasn't built in a day (or however that saying goes). Today was pretty stinking busy. I did homework, went to class, chapel, lunch. Tonight I went to Wal-Mart, a spaghetti dinner for a fundraiser (it was quite delicious), Reader's Theater, which was really interesting, watched Wizard of Oz (heck yeah!), played Round Robin ping pong, mafia, pyschiatrist, and now I'm typing (go figure). I am one busy girl. Now, before my eyes close...

It's On...

Today's your day, so come on, bring it on...
I've had a lot of time to think today. Mainly because I've been listening to my music all morning. We had Divine Hours chapel today, which was better than those of the past. I'm not the biggest fan of these chapels, because I don't like being led through the entire service. It's a very traditional time, and I'm not much for traditional worship. I like hymns, but in all other aspects of worship, I am much more contemporary. But before I go into more detail, I liked today's chapel. This is actually the first time I enjoyed it. I think this may because it was geared more towards Lent, and that's how it started out. My favorite part or line, if you will, of chapel today was from one of the prayers that we recited. It went something like, "to fear most the loss of You." It really stood out to me, and got me thinking. I constantly wonder why relationships are such a fragile issue for me, and tend to be the main cause of drama in my life. I don't need to fear losing friends. The only relationship I should fear losing is the one I have with my Creator. He knows me better than anyone else knows me, and better than I know myself. He's the one that wants me to succeed and be happy. He's the one that will care for me, no matter how much I sin. No matter what I do, He will still love me. This is definitely not true of earthly relationships. Relationships aren't perfect, and people get hurt too easily. NOTHING we can do will hurt our God. I'm not one for smooth transitions, so I'm abruptly changing topics again :)

Skillet - The Older I Get
The walls between you and I
Always pushing us apart
Nothing left but scars fight after fight
The space between our calm and rage
Started growing shorter,
Disappearing slowly day after day

Chorus 2:
I was sitting there waiting in my room for you
You were waiting for me too
And it makes me wonder

Chorus 1:
The older I get
Will I get over it?
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think
The older I get
Maybe I'll get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

The time between those cutting words
Built up our defenses
Never made no sense it just made me hurt
Do you believe that time heals all wounds?
It started getting better
But it's easy not to fight when I'm not with you

What was I waiting for
I should've taken less and given you more
I should've weathered the storm
I need to say so bad
What were you waiting for
This could have been the best we've ever had

I'm just getting older
I'm not getting over you I'm trying to
I wish it didn't hurt like this
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

"It's easy not to fight when I'm not with you." I guess this relates to what I was writing about earlier in this same post. Too much conflict exists in relationships. When people don't spend time together, the relationship has a chance to heal. Switching gears again... "The older I get, will I get over it? It's been way too long for the times we missed I didn't know then it would hurt like this." I used to be obsessed with the fact that I never had a best friend. Ya know, the kind of person who you can call at 3 in the morning, and then they'd talk until the sun comes up... Yeah, that never happened with me. I thought I had a best friend in middle school, but the feeling was never mutual. I learned to accept it in high school, but again became frustrated that no one ever reciprocated my feelings. Then, my senior year retreat, I discovered I didn't need a best friend and that Jesus was and is my best friend. He's the one I can call on at 3 in the morning. He's the one that will always reciprocate how much He loves me. I became much more happier. To top it all off, I became closer to one of my best friends. To this day, we're not best best friends, but I definitely learned a lesson. Actually, I have three best friends... It's ok that I'll never have just one best friend, because all my friends are so important in my life. Back to the song by Skillet, as I have gotten older and matured, I'm getting over it. It's nice to be reminded every once in a while to accept the situation I am in. Having one close best friend does not hurt anymore. I give all my thanks to God for this realization...

Day 2...

Just a warning (or not quite, considering I've already posted two entries...) I like to be random when I type. I mean, if you haven't noticed that yet... you may not be so good at making observations :) Today I woke up... tired as could be, but still got seven hours of sleep! I think it's ridiculous that I have to wake up tired every single day. None-the-less... I wake up after showers. I went to Chem, then Chapel. Chapel was pretty good... I asked a friend if he was a good speaker or not and she said that she's heard mixed opinions from people. Apparently, he was a Christian Environmentalist. This my friends, is not an oxymoron in my opinion. This is EXACTLY what my J-Term class was all about, being good stewards of God's Creation. Is there anything wrong with enjoying and respecting the environment? In my opinion, no. God created a beautiful earth, which should be respected. So, I don't understand why Christian Environmentalism is such a touchy subject for some people. On the other hand, I am not trying to offend anyone with my comments or opinions. My views are exactly that, opinions, which I am completely entitled to. One thing I will not do is try to make you alter your beliefs, because you are allowed your opinions too. That is definitely one of my bigger pet peeves, when someone tries to change your opinion because it is "wrong" in their eyes. Wow, I didn't really expect to go off on that tangent... I guess I've been holding back those emotions for a while :) On a different note, today was much less productive than yesterday. It seems like time is never-ending, yet I never have enough when I am doing homework or studying for a test. I think I forgot to list my other goal for this season of Lent, which is curbing (completely) my consumption of all soda beverages. And no, I do not normally say soda, but pop looks so weird to type :) At every meal, there is the temptation to partake in soda products, but I have been good. Also, I have stuck to my other goal (thus far) of only checking Facebook once a day. Here comes a point of weakness for me... I was supposed to meet with my small group tonight, but failed to find anyone. So, I went to check my e-mail on a public computer (mine was not on at the time) and found out, sadly, that we were not meeting. The worst part of it is... Facebook has become such a habit for me, that I automatically found myself entering the web address to check my Facebook. Uh oh, you may say... but the page wouldn't load. I don't like to say that "that was a sign from God," but something definitely kept me from checking it and I have not been on Facebook more than necessary in the past two days. I want this extra time that I have to be used (or at least part of it) to do devotions. I am not doing so well in this area... It is so much easier to pop in a DVD or a season of TV (my choice today: The Office!) than to crack open the Bible. God's Word is not spoon-fed to you in the same way that television is. You don't have to work for a relationship with the television, as weird as that sounds. You have to be willing and disciplined to have a relationship with God. I think that too often I wait for Him to do the work, when that is not how it should happen. If I want a relationship (a healthy one at that), I need to invest time in it. I think this realization will help me with earthly relationships as well. I've been struggling with feeling like I do all the work in relationships. I don't understand why this is the case or why I feel this way, but it may be considered shallow or selfish for me to think this, and for that I am sorry. I am a selfish individual, but I can't be too hard on myself, because we are all selfish. We all fall short. We all are selfish at one point or another. My hope is that I become more disciplined to incorporate God into every area of my life. Maybe this is the time for some serious changes. How can I be sure that I am willing to make those changes? Or, how can I attempt this change, because I truly believe I am willing. It's all about completing the actions. Sorry if this is confusing at all, but I am quickly becoming comfortable with blogging :) I think that's all I have to say for now. Let's hope for a better tomorrow...

I need to sleep...

I finished my Chem paper at 5:30 this morning. I don't understand why it takes me so long to write papers, but now I am severely sleep deprived. Other than that... it was a good and uneventful day. Today is Ash Wednesday and for the first time, I've been challenged to do something for Lent. Our RA, the wonderful Carrie Hall, challenged us to change something in our lives that will further our relationship with Christ. So obviously, being the Facebook stalker that I am, I decided to let myself only check Facebook once a day. I now realize how much time this truly frees up in my life. I took naps in between classes today (much needed of course) and met at Starbuck's for accountability time. I then went to our dorms' Poverty Meal. I was sad that I missed the first part of it, because I felt really confused. This would have been a good thing for me not to miss, but I can't change that now. Because of the Meal, I decided to fast all night and not eat dinner. I can't say that I got a whole lot out of it, but I've been distracted all night. Or else it was the lack of sleeping... I don't know. I got my homework done at 7:30, and was able to watch TV for the first time in forever, without feeling guilty about not doing homework. I would say that I was pretty productive today. Hopefully tomorrow will be similar. Now that I think about it, Facebook is just a waste of time (in most cases). Don't get me wrong, I'll continue to use it. But, I won't waste all my time on it, when I could be doing more worthwhile things (like getting homework done...). I am also a fan of Firefox now... Shhh... Don't tell Internet Explorer :) Hopefully this blogging thing will get easier for me, because right now... it feels awkward and boring (for others, that is). Bear with me until I become comfortable... To everyone else... GOODNIGHT!!!

Aren't blogs always more important than Chemistry?

So... I gave in. I decided to start blogging. I've actually been thinking about starting a blog for a few weeks now, considering how much I read other blogs. Is this a worthwhile distraction from my paper that I should be writing right now? I guess I'll find out later this morning, depending on the amount of sleep I get. Feel free to read to read this to your heart's desire, but I make no promises of writing anything interesting to you. :)